Navigating Social Expectations as a Neurodivergent Couple
- Gretchen Pound, PhD
- Mar 31
- 3 min read
Updated: Apr 1
Socializing is a fundamental part of human life. It fosters connection, builds relationships, and creates shared experiences. For most people, social interactions follow a fairly predictable set of unwritten rules—greeting each other, following conversation norms, and understanding body language cues. However, for neurodivergent couples, these social expectations can often feel like a daunting obstacle. The subtle nuances of social interaction that many people take for granted might be overwhelming, confusing, or even completely foreign.
For neurodivergent individuals, navigating social expectations can feel like an uphill battle, especially when these unwritten rules are ever-changing and based on implicit understanding. In a relationship where both partners are neurodivergent, the challenges can be compounded, but they can also bring about a unique dynamic that sets them apart from the norm. Here’s a look into how neurodivergent couples can navigate the social world together and embrace the fact that socializing doesn’t have to look the same for everyone.
Understanding Social Expectations from a Neurodivergent Lens
Social expectations, like eye contact, small talk, and reading emotional cues, can be challenging for neurodivergent individuals. For example, someone with autism may avoid eye contact due to discomfort, which could be misinterpreted as rudeness. A partner with ADHD might struggle to stay on topic or be on time for gatherings, which may lead to frustration. As a neurodivergent couple, these differences may feel more pronounced in social settings, and the pressure to "fit in" can be exhausting. However, these differences represent an alternative way of engaging with the world.
Embracing Your Social Rhythm
One of the most powerful tools for neurodivergent couples is the ability to create your own social rhythm. Instead of trying to mimic what’s deemed as “normal,” it’s important to understand and accept your own unique social needs and preferences.
Start by communicating openly with your partner about your needs in social settings. Some questions to ask each other might include:
Do large social gatherings make you feel overwhelmed?
How much time do you need to recharge after being in social situations?
Are there certain behaviors that you find frustrating or difficult to navigate in others?
By having open conversations about what works and what doesn’t work in social settings, you can create a shared understanding of how you can best support each other.
Preparing for Social Situations
Social events can feel overwhelming, but preparation as a couple can make them more manageable. Here are a few tips:
Set Expectations: Discuss the event beforehand—who’s attending, what’s happening, and how long you’ll stay. This helps reduce anxiety.
Identify Exit Strategies: Have a plan to exit gracefully if needed—whether it’s a code word or a set time frame.
Practice Social Scripts: Rehearse how to start conversations and handle small talk to feel more in control during interactions.
Create Safe Spaces: Find a quiet spot at gatherings to recharge if you need a break from the crowd.
Celebrating Your Differences
As a neurodivergent couple, your social dynamic may look different, but it’s no less meaningful. It can be richer due to the understanding and creativity you bring. Embrace your neurodivergence as a strength, offering unique perspectives and deeper connections and redefining what socializing can be.
Educating Others
People might not understand why certain social expectations are uncomfortable or why behaviors differ. When you're ready, educate others to help foster more inclusive social spaces that allow people to support you in ways that make socializing enjoyable for everyone.
Conclusion
Socializing looks different for every couple, and for neurodivergent couples, it can be an especially unique experience. By embracing your differences, communicating openly with each other, and being prepared for social situations, you can navigate the world together while still staying true to who you are.
So, while socializing might look different, it can still be a meaningful and joyful experience when you approach it in a way that works for both of you.
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And Remember
"I want to make a difference in people’s lives!
I work to ensure everyone has an
equal opportunity to succeed."
-- Gretchen Pound, PhD
